headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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