dude i'm inner monologue high
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
