if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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