the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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