16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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