So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
