so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
