Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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