Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
