i just google imaged poop.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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