Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
