he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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