Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
