Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
