Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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