I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
