My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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