Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
