Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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