mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
