so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
