i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
