So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
