if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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