I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
