I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
