I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
