It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Drunk is not a location!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
