ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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