You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
