well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who did Billy Mays play for?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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