My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
