Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
