:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
