just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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