I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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