and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
