you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
