Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
