Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
