I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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