You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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