At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
