I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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