I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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