she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
be right there i have to get my cape
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
