If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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