Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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