i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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