return my video game
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
