So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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