I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
