but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
