if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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