just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
