I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
