Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
