I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
