I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
