Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
