I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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