You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
