I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Pooping to opera.
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