Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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