I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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