So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
