I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
