I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i barfeds in our rink
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
