he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
