You're my little dorito
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
