Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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