I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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