Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
