I would go down on you faster than GM stock
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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