I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
