Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
