The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
