there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
