Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
