I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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