everyone is single if you try hard enough
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
