im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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