i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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