you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
