Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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