oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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