I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
